Saturday, July 27, 2013

It's happening again

My friend gave us tickets to the Angel's vs Twins game on Wednesday. It was a hot day and our seats were front and center to the sun's heat. I could only take so much. I got very irritable (maybe also because our son was acting like a big baby) and just started feeling "off". We ended up moving to the shade and were able to enjoy the game but the effects of the sun had already done its damage. I just didn't feel "right". Its so hard to explain. The next day I went to work....dragging, none the less. My alarm went off in the morning and although I slept what I would consider a good amount of time...this day it just wasn't enough. By the grace of my almighty God I was able to make it through the day, but once I got home, I was tired...not regular tired. I call it MS tired. It's a way different type of feeling. It makes me feel helpless, old, sick and sad. It brings back old memories of the trials that I have gone through. When I feel like this and I look at my son, it makes me feel sad and makes me want to cry. How will my future as a mom be when he is 10 years old? Will I be able to still give him my 100% or will this MS fatigue hold me down? Because of this, I sometimes feel that maybe I should only have one child. Notice I said "feel". I know we are not to be governed by our feelings but by the truth of God and His word. I just need to remember this when I am feeling low.
I remember someone saying that when you are going through trials you shouldn't focus on your current problems but on your past victories. I will continue to fight.
I will continue to remember all I have gone through with God's infinite grace and mercy. If God is for us...who can be against us?
Everyday is a new day to start over and become the best person you can be. Shortness of breath, fatigue, pain, weakness are just obstacles and as Philipians 4:13 says that I can do all things through God who strengthens me.
I carry that close to my heart.
This time will be one of those victories that I will look back upon.

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