Saturday, July 27, 2013

It's happening again

My friend gave us tickets to the Angel's vs Twins game on Wednesday. It was a hot day and our seats were front and center to the sun's heat. I could only take so much. I got very irritable (maybe also because our son was acting like a big baby) and just started feeling "off". We ended up moving to the shade and were able to enjoy the game but the effects of the sun had already done its damage. I just didn't feel "right". Its so hard to explain. The next day I went to work....dragging, none the less. My alarm went off in the morning and although I slept what I would consider a good amount of time...this day it just wasn't enough. By the grace of my almighty God I was able to make it through the day, but once I got home, I was tired...not regular tired. I call it MS tired. It's a way different type of feeling. It makes me feel helpless, old, sick and sad. It brings back old memories of the trials that I have gone through. When I feel like this and I look at my son, it makes me feel sad and makes me want to cry. How will my future as a mom be when he is 10 years old? Will I be able to still give him my 100% or will this MS fatigue hold me down? Because of this, I sometimes feel that maybe I should only have one child. Notice I said "feel". I know we are not to be governed by our feelings but by the truth of God and His word. I just need to remember this when I am feeling low.
I remember someone saying that when you are going through trials you shouldn't focus on your current problems but on your past victories. I will continue to fight.
I will continue to remember all I have gone through with God's infinite grace and mercy. If God is for us...who can be against us?
Everyday is a new day to start over and become the best person you can be. Shortness of breath, fatigue, pain, weakness are just obstacles and as Philipians 4:13 says that I can do all things through God who strengthens me.
I carry that close to my heart.
This time will be one of those victories that I will look back upon.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Cancer sucks

The thing that has been on my mind recently is my work. I seem to be taking my work home with me and by that I mean in an emotional, mental way. I am a nurse at a wonderful hospital and I work on the "Advanced Brain and Spine" unit. Something new to me. The majority of my nursing experience has dealt with telemetry patients. Patients who come in with chest pain, heart attacks, etc. Where I work now, we deal with people who have come in with strokes, epilepsy, multiple sclerosis (who would have thought I would have ended up in a place like that...not me), headaches, spine surgeries, well basically anything that has to do with neurology. The group of people that has really impacted me is the people that come in with cancer. A lot of them are young with only a couple of symptoms that any of us could have such as headache, nausea and vomiting (sounds likes the migraines I get). They get an MRI, find out they have brain tumors, get operated (if it's operable) and then come to our floor. I have never dealt with this type of population before. It scares me, has me searching for scientific answers, has me asking God why these things happen, has me crying on the way home. I think the reason why this type of population affects me the most is because besides having family members with cancer and having the cancer gene, they did nothing (excluding cancer from smoking) to get the cancer. They are just like you and me going along, living life and then get side swiped and their life will never be the same.

*As I type this I make the connection as to why I am passionate about's the same story that all multiple sclerosis patients have. Maybe that is why I feel for them like I do....

They are now labeled. Have you ever had cancer? Yes. Check off that box.

It's so easy to just focus on the patient but you have to remember that they have spouses, kids, extended family and friends that this also affects. It's not a disease that kills one at a time but kills dreams, kills joy, hope...laughter.
It's a horrible disease.

I have a fire deep within me now to know more about this dream killer. I know there is talk of things you can do outside of the medicine realm. I have read about Kris Carr and how she is living and beating stage 4 cancer without chemotherapy and radiation, for 10 years now. I want to equip myself with the tools I need to educate myself as well as people I know on things you can do to prevent (if possible) and treat cancer.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I've always loved decorating, that includes for parties too. I just love it! It makes me so happy. I also absolutely love photography, so if anybody knows how I can get paid for all those things I would be the happiest person in the world. :)
Lately I've really gotten into decorating our new (smaller by like 1500 sq ft home). Yes, it's a lot. We have a ton of things in our garage that just won't fit into this house, but despite that I am the happiest. It's a home that fits least for now. Our neighborhood is awesome and we have a backyard that we enjoy. Decorating it has been a fun experience for me...or should I say us. I thank God my hubby loves the things that I love.In the recent weeks since being at the house I have purchased a couple of decorations...haven't gone completely crazy but home goods and target can easily put me over the edge.
Here's a look into our home:

This is in our dining room. My husband got the idea of the shelves (from Ikea) and I decorated it. We are so proud of it and when people visit it seems to really catch their eye.

Close up: we already had all these things. The photos were taken by yours truly when we lived in the Bay Area.

I just bought this wire basket and flower. I bought them both at home goods. As much as I love plants and flowers, my husband and I do not have a green fake flowers it is :)

This is on our entertainment console. I just recently bought the blue/green frame at home goods (for a pop of color), the gold bell (at target on clearance) and the candle holder at marshalls for $6.99!

As you can see I have more of an eclectic style: farm, contemporary, beach, and some traditional. I love the balance of how it all looks and the contrast between the light pieces and dark.

Until next time...God bless!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

I have been a busy bee these past 2 weeks. It was my son's 3 birthday and we celebrated from Thursday to Monday! Normally just the thought of all that I was to do would exhaust me and worry me. I don't want to over do it and then get an exacerbation of some sort. I am very happy to say that although I did get tired, it wasn't like the "MS" tiredness I have gotten previous times and I thank God! Currently I'm not on any MS medication due to insurance issues previously and now that I have insurance it's just a matter of waiting for my doctors appointment to then get referred to a neurologist. I am lucky blessed though, because I work at a hospital that has one of the best MS specialist and I will definitely go to him. In the mean time I continue to take my multivitamin, vitamin D, vitamin B complex, vitamin C, omega-3, and a fairly new one (about 2 months) wobenzym N. I was clued into wobenzym N by a friend of a friend who also has MS and started taking it and within one day (she said) started feeling significantly better. Unfortunately I couldn't say the same, but I have noticed a difference. My symptoms don't last as long and a pain that I had experienced previously, that had come back went away within a couple days of taking it. The previous time I had that pain, I went to my doctor and received shots to decrease the pain, pain pills, etc. This time it only last a couple days and then was gone :)
Wobenzym N is for, and I quote "healthy inflammation and joint support." All I can say is that so far so good. We will see what the MS specialist has to say about it once I see him. In the mean time, I eat well, sing, laugh, and basically enjoy my life.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Has it really been this long?!

I am really amazed that it has taken me this long to continue with this project. The main reason that it has taken me this long (and it's been very hard to come to grips with) is the fact that despite what scans, lab results and doctors have said...I guess I was hoping that if I ignored it, it would go away.
Yes...I am an adult who is a nurse as well who thought, in the back of her mind, that ignoring this serious illness would starve it to death and I would be healed! That would have been nice...very nice indeed. But nope, no such luck. It was difficult for me to understand that that is what I was doing on a subconscious level. Despite not liking the situation, I have come to terms with the cards I have been dealt with and I am trying my best to do all I can to help myself through it all. Not to say that I can do it all by myself. No...not at all. I have my wonderful God who has helped me through some of the toughest situations that I would have never thought I would have encountered. He has put awesome people in my path who have made my life better.
A lot has happened since 2009. One of the main events in my life is that I had a son, Eli, born June 2010. He will be 3 years old soon and is the light of my world. His smile melts away any stress I may be having.

He helps me not to think of the present, but of the future and how bright it will be. My husband, son and I recently moved back to our hometown, closer to our family and friends. It's amazing how a child can come and change everything. Eli is the reason we moved back to southern California and he is the reason we then moved even closer to our family and friends. Seeing him flourish is our goal and so far he is doing just that. :)
I will not try to update 4 years of my life on one post, I will do it slowly and maybe eventually I will be caught up.

God Bless