Monday, May 25, 2009

Sacrifice my body?

This weekend was my hubby's birthday. We had a BBQ and some of his family members came up to surprise him. We had a good time, I know that he was so happy so see his family. Saturday was the BBQ and unfortunately I wasn't feeling well at all. I felt sick, I had a 100 degree fever, which for me is really bad because my normal temperature is around 97 degrees so I was feeling the 100 degrees! I took tylenol and pushed through it though, I felt that if I stopped moving then I wouldn't be able to get up again. I didn't listen to my body, because if I had I would have missed the birthday and I just wanted it to be a wonderful day for Gio. I feel like I can't always listen to my body because if I would, I would be in bed all the time! What kind of life is that?!

Sunday I woke up with a HUGE migraine! Was it my body getting me back for not listening the day before? Don't know. All I know is that the pain was ridiculous! How is it that the head could hurt so bad? Sometimes I get so scared because in nursing school they always said that when a person has "the biggest headache of their life" they should go the the ER because it could be something bad, a bleed perhaps. Sometimes it sucks to know so much, you just start imagining the worst possible outcome! So there I was on Sunday laying in bed thinking of internal brain trauma while Gio and his family (minus his grandma) went out and had fun at a festival! It sucked! But there was no way I could have gone, with a each step I felt as if someone was shaking my brain violently and I didn't want to be a party pooper at the festival so I listened to my body and stayed in bed. The migraine didn't go away until this morning around 10 am!

I am torn.
What am I supposed to do? I wanna listen to my body, but I also want to live a full life. Not a half assed one. I hate having something or someone tell me I can't do something.
Even if it is my body.

Tonight I will start taking the full dose of Rebif. I just hope that I do well with it. I had a 100 degree fever as a side effect of half the dose....can't imagine what the full dose will do. Just gotta hope for the best and take the ibuprofen as directed by the NP. Tomorrow I have an appointment with her to follow up on how I feel after the solumedrol and prednisone. What sucks is that instead of only my left foot being numb now it's both feet! Thanks solumedrol and prednisone for not working and only making me feel like I had menopause! Insomnia, hot flashes and heart palpitations does not sound like a twenty-nine year old!

I just have to keep reminding myself "one day at a day at a time..."

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