Sunday, May 3, 2009


This weekend hasn't been my best. I started taking the rebif injections and have gotten the "flu-like" symptoms they describe as possible side effects. Yesterday has been by far the worst. My body was hurting, my throat was hurting and I was feeling feverish. My friend Patti called me and told me she wanted me to visit her and her new baby. As much as I love them I wasn't feeling well at all and at first said no, then I changed my mind and thought that it could do me some good.
I went and at first felt ok and started taking pictures of the baby with a camera that her friend let her borrow. It was a dream come true except that it wasn't my camera so I was scared of breaking it! Anybody that knows me knows how I love photography.

It was fun but then I started feeling worse.

Today I kinda feel the same with an added bonus of pain. Yep, I'm hurting yet again. I can have my legs still and as I stay there quietly and not moving I can feel the pain moving up and down my right buttocks to my leg and back up again. It's really is very frustrating. I start to remember how my life was just one year ago and how things were better and I wonder how I got to this dark place full of pain and uncertainty. MS is a horrible disease that keeps you guessing every minute of every day wondering if what you are feeling at that moment is due to MS or if it's something else.

It's been said that the number one reason why people with MS die is because of suicide. I'm not suicidal or anything like that but I can understand why they would do it. It's hard to live day to day not knowing what MS will throw your way. Depression is also up on the list of things that MS suffers go through and I can't say that I've never felt depressed but I thank God for pulling me out when I feel trapped in a dark pit.

I have my down days when I feel horrible and then just want to stay in bed, but I'm thankful I have the most wonderful family God could have given me.
My mother is so strong and relentless I don't know where I would be without her.My sister is so kind and thoughtful and makes me feel so loved. My brother is so strong and funny and although he is my youngest brother I feel like he can protect me from anything. My friends are wonderful too and at this moment I don't know where I would be without Patti. She uplifts me and helps me forget all the negative things. The best gift that she could have given me right now is letting me be a part her sons' life. He reminds me of how great God is.

Last but not least, my wonderful husband. He is everything that I need and ever wanted. He is so great I can't even start to say everything that he has done for me and how happy he makes me.

I am so blessed!

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